


Lonely, Not Alone

by loveprerecorded



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU, F/F, LGBTQ, Shoujo-ai, Slow Burn, Yuri, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2019-10-14 18:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17513783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveprerecorded/pseuds/loveprerecorded
Summary: In which Ami recalls a time when it wasn't so easy to be different and when she learns to accept herself regardless. When Makoto realizes she and Ami have more in common than they initially realized. AU where there are no Senshi





	1. Chapter 1

Makoto sighed contentedly as she picked up a plate of sandwiches sliced diagonally into quarters. It was past lunchtime and that meant it was time to eat; no exceptions for anyone, especially a certain blue haired woman who had a tendency to be a bit forgetful when it came to this.

Makoto walked through the hall and stopped by the door to Ami's study, knocking softly before coming in anyway.

The tall woman immediately found Ami lying on her back, in the middle of the carpeted floor staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression.

Makoto laughed. "Is the floor comfortable?" she asked with a smile.

Ami returned a shy grin.

"Mind if I join you?"

Ami nodded. Makoto placed the sandwiches to rest on top of Ami's desk before she lied on the floor, beside her partner. "I guess even geniuses need a break from their studies."

"Sometimes," Ami replied with a shrug. "I was just thinking actually."

Makoto turned her head towards Ami expectantly, nonverbally asking her to continue.

Ami's hand moved to caress the brunette's and instinctively, their fingers intertwined. "I was thinking back to high school."

Makoto gave her an incredulous look, "High school?"

"Yes, high school. I was thinking about how I'm really fortunate to have met you."

Makoto blushed fiercely and looked away, "We had some good times back then, didn't we?"

"Perhaps even the best of times. Still… I can't help but also think of a time when things weren't as pleasant."

Makoto sat up slightly, reclining on her elbow. "Want to talk about it? I won't force you to."

"It's fine. It will be good to talk about this…"

...

For the majority of Ami's life, she had accepted the fact that she was, to put it frankly, different. On the exterior, she was the exact same as every other girl her age; two eyes, two ears, and functional limbs. However, what went on inside of her brain is what set her apart.

Although Ami was a child of few words, when it came to intelligence, she was truly gifted; she could recall learning how to read when she was just three. One afternoon, her mother, Saeko, a highly accomplished doctor, stumbled upon her daughter reading through her medical journals and being able to comprehend it.

Ami also had an extraordinary retentive memory; anything she read, she could recall it all by heart years later, exactly as it was. Saeko found this remarkably peculiar, but she was also highly intrigued and inspired to further encourage Ami to pursue her strange interests.

It wasn't too long after that that Saeko also discovered that Ami was gifted at mathematics. Ami could remember waking up every morning at precisely 9:45 and having her mother take her on long walks around town, all the while drilling her on difficult equations. Ami answered the questions correctly every single time without fail. Saeko couldn't explain it, but quantitative values seemed to comfort Ami in a way that nothing else could.

Ami was fortunate to have a mother like Saeko in her life to guide her. She was an independent, intelligent, young woman with wisdom beyond her years. With endless amounts of hard work and endurance, she achieved her dreams and continues to inspire people daily to do the same.

Saeko was the one who taught Ami the importance of a good work ethic, discipline, and punctuality. She was also the one who taught Ami that it was okay to laugh and that it was okay to cry. She was her main source of emotional support; everything that Ami seemed to struggle with, Saeko always seemed to understand. Ami had never been more on the same page with someone other than her mother.

Just like Ami had a mother, she of course also had a father.

Ami's father was a self-employed painter very passionate about his craft. Not having the most stable of careers, Saeko was the main source for financial income of the household. Not that she minded, of course.

Ami's father was a carefree man who saw the world in many shades of gray as opposed to just black and white. He and Saeko were opposites in that regard and many others as well. Ami often times wondered what drew the two together in the first place.

At the drop of a hat, Ami could go from almost completely nonverbal to going off on either her mother or father about many of topics she read about relating to maths and sciences. She could speak on the subjects for hours at any time of day, the plethora of knowledge seemingly unending. Saeko always listened, occasionally adding in her own two cents whenever Ami paused to breathe.

For her father, on the other hand, he didn't want to be bothered.

Saeko did her best to never let her husband's opinions and criticisms ever affect Ami. She constantly reassured her daughter that she could do anything, be anything, and that she didn't ever need to change who she was to please others.

For a long time, Ami did believe her mother whenever she said that to her, but as the years passed and as she progressed in school, she began to have her doubts.

...

"Miss Mizuno," she started, "are you aware of why I'm speaking with you today?"

Ami shook her head slowly.

The guidance counselor sighed tiredly, and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Ami reluctantly sat down, putting her bag down next to her.

"I've asked you here to today because I needed to express my concerns about you," she continued.

Ami raised a blue brow perplexedly.

"I've been speaking with other teachers and we were in agreement. Ami, it's very obvious that you excel remarkably when it comes to academics, however, in regards to your social skills, you seem to be lacking."

Contrary to what Ami had originally thought, all the way back in kindergarten, school was not easy. It wasn't the actual learning part that she struggled with; in fact she was already miles ahead of her peers before she had even enrolled. The most difficult part of it had been the social aspect.

Both at school and at home, Ami was more on the nonverbal side. At home, she managed to communicate with her mother just fine without even having to use words, but at school things were a bit more complicated. Both she and her peers clearly spoke Japanese, but at the same time, it was as if they were speaking a completely foreign language.

The clear difference was that when her classmates spoke, they spoke like the children they were, in fragmented, unthought out sentences that never seemed to have a point. In the few occasions where Ami did have to communicate verbally, she was an adult; she spoke in long, complex sentences with difficult words that sometimes even the teacher couldn't understand.

As a result of her quirks, she felt alienated amongst her classmates. So if Ami could help it, she chose not to engage with her peers. She didn't understand them and they didn't understand her, so she thought the logical solution was to isolate herself. At recess, the other children played games together, and Ami stayed at her desk with a book in her hand or she'd be working on math problems.

Suddenly Ami's flats became very interesting as she looked down at them.

"I have to be completely honest with you; your high marks will only take you so far, especially in the professional world. If you don't know how to communicate, form relationships with your peers, or even function in a group setting, I do not think that you will succeed. Do you understand?"

Ami said nothing and she never met the counselor's eyes.

"You're extremely bright, but communicating with other kids your age will prove to be just as important as your studies," she said. "Where do you see yourself in the future? Say ten years?"

Ami shrugged.

"Ami, you need to have some sort of goal. What is it?"

"I don't know."

"But-"

Before the counselor could finish her sentence, Ami abruptly stood from the chair.

"Thank you," Ami said with a bow.

She took her bag and hurried out of the office without another word.

The news shouldn't have come as much of a surprise as it did to Ami. She was well aware that she struggled in social affairs, but it was still disheartening to hear those concerns voiced out loud. What Ami did not tell her counselor was that her ultimate dream was to become a celebrated doctor, just like her mother. So it especially stung that that dream would probably remain just a dream, all just because of one particular area she fell short in.

Then she began to feel lightheaded. She grew weak in the knees and she could hear her heart beating in her ears. She walked aimlessly through the hallway until her feet pulled her to a nearby window. She desperately opened it and took several deep breaths to calm her nerves. She stood with her head hanging low and her fingers curled on top of the window sill.

"... yeah, I'm not a huge fan of her. She thinks she's all that just because she can nail a few exams."

Ami's ears perked up.

"I wouldn't call that anything to brag about. It sounds like she needs a hobby."

"Anyone else think she's a robot?"

She peered over her shoulder and noticed a group of students, three girls and a boy, across the hall, having an open discussion. It seemed the two redheaded girls of the group were doing most of the talking.

"You guys, that's enough," the girl with blond hair tried to chastise her friends.

Ami didn't realize how long and how intensely she had been staring until she accidentally made eye contact with her. The girl gasped and pretended to laugh at something the boy next to her said as if they hadn't just been gossiping about Ami a moment ago.

Ami sighed dejectedly and clenched her fists on top of the window sill. She was the one who had to learn to communicate with people and yet all they did was reject her and talk about her behind her back. Why were these the cards she had been dealt with? Why couldn't she just be normal for once instead of being the black sheep of the school?

For years now, Ami convinced herself that she was "alone, not lonely" and that she didn't need friends to drag her down. But more and more she began to realize that that was a lie. Ami knew she would never be considered anything close to a social butterfly, but having even just one acquaintance would be fine by her.

She shut her eyes tight and took another deep breath. Ami couldn't let herself dwell on these thoughts any longer; she had more productive things to accomplish now that the school day was over. With one last deep breath, Ami shut the window and quickly left the school building for her apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

"Let's get this over with…"

Makoto Kino grumbled as she walked down the sidewalk with her hands in the pockets of her skirt.

Makoto was a new student this term at Juuban Junior High School after transferring from two other schools for reasons she didn't like to discuss. She hoped that this one would be the last but at the same time she didn't have high expectations. Because of her transferring, she gained quite the reputation for some things that may have been accurate, but for other things that simply weren't true.

Makoto swore she never physically fought a teacher, even if he deserved it.

"I've gotta set the record straight this time around," Makoto murmured to herself, determined to make a brand new reputation.

Makoto approached the crosswalk at an intersection and at the moment, the light was on "don't walk" so she hit the button. Not too far ahead of her, Makoto noticed a blond girl walking carelessly across the street. She turned her head slightly, and coming towards her was a speeding car that showed no signs of slowing.

Acting instinctively, Makoto booked it into the street and, like a linebacker, shoved the girl out of the way with a yell. Both of them landed on the nearby sidewalk, a little bruised, but otherwise still in good health.

"Are you alright!?"

The girl responded dizzily, "I think so."

Makoto let out a sigh of relief. She pushed herself off ground and wiped the dust off of her clothes. "You need to pay attention or else next time you'll end up like a pancake," she half-joked.

Makoto walked away before the blond could even have the chance to thank her.

...

Just as Makoto suspected, she was being avoided all morning like the plague. The only interactions she had all day were receiving wary looks from the people who had crossed her path. Even teachers refrained from making direct eye contact with her.

"It's not like I didn't see this coming," Makoto murmured to herself while trudging down the hallway.

Distracting Makoto from her thoughts, not too far in front of her, a couple of girls were giving another girl with blue hair a hard time. One of the girls shoved the blue haired girl's shoulder a little too hard to be considered friendly, Makoto thought.

They said something probably unkind and conceited judging from the looks on their faces. One of them snatched the book that was in the victim's hand. She quickly scanned it over, looking at the front cover and the back of it. She decided that the book wasn't worth her time, so she dismissively dropped it on the ground with a loud thud. The girls laughed and walked away.

Makoto couldn't help but grit her teeth and glare, almost burning holes through the backs of their heads. Then her gaze softened when her eyes fell on the girl with blue hair. The girl remained silent and emotionless as she kneeled down to pick up the book. Then she began walking in the direction of Makoto.

Makoto reached out to her, "Hey—"

When emerald eyes met blue eyes for a brief second, the girl immediately averted them to the floor, held the book tightly to her chest, and quickened her pace.

"I guess bullies are the same at every school…" Makoto said bitterly as she watched the girl disappear down the hallway.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the school bell ring.

Lunchtime already, she thought.

Makoto walked outside with her bento box in hand. As she looked around for a quiet place to sit, the girl with blue hair she had seen earlier caught her eye. The girl sat cross legged, her nose buried in a novel, within the shade of a cherry tree that had yet to blossom. Before Makoto realized it, her feet were moving in her direction.

Makoto hesitated for a moment. "Hey, are you alright?"

The girl, startled, hid behind her book. Peeking from above the cover, her eyes slowly roamed up the body of the giant standing over her, from her hands, her breasts, to her shiny emerald eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you," Makoto began, "I saw some girls picking on you earlier and I was wondering if you were okay."

She remained silent and cast her eyes to the side, not meeting Makoto's. Makoto tilted her head in confusion; she couldn't read her at all.

"Hello?"

Still no response from the girl. After a pregnant pause, Makoto sighed. "Forget it. I'll leave you to it."

Makoto slowly and reluctantly turned her body away, but her eyes delayed. The girl was no longer hiding behind her book, however her hands were nervously playing with the hem of her skirt while she stared ahead at nothing in particular.

Shaking her head, finally, Makoto left her alone and planted herself at nice spot in the grass in front of a lush bush. She opened her bento box and took out her chopsticks. She was about to dig in but she could feel a presence and she heard the bush rustling directly behind her. She groaned inwardly.

"Can I help you!?"

When Makoto turned around, she saw that same blond girl, whom she saved earlier that day, recoil with a squeal.

"Oh, you're that girl," Makoto realized, lightening up.

The girl laughed nervously with a hand behind her head.

Makoto smiled and patted a spot on the grass next to her. "Well? Why don't you join me? My name's Kino Makoto."

"I'm Tsukino Usagi! Sorry for staring, by the way. Your lunch looks really good and I kinda forgot mine today…" Usagi explained.

Makoto honestly found Usagi cute in a hopeless sort of way, so she couldn't help but smile. This girl was also the first person in school to actually speak to her today.

"You know what? Take a few bites of mine."

Usagi doubletook. "Wait, really? That usually never works!"

"You got lucky today. Don't get used to it, though."

Usagi eagerly grabbed one of Makoto's onigiri and shoved it in her mouth. Her eyes widened.

"This is amazing! Your mom must be a great cook!"

Makoto's lips tightened in a straight line. "Actually, no… I made it myself."

"No way!"

She shrugged, "Yeah, it's kind of my thing."

Makoto's eyes wandered away from the blond and they traveled back to the girl with blue hair. She had since resumed reading her book.

Makoto lightly nudged Usagi, "Hey, call it morbid curiosity, but do you know that girl over there? The one underneath that tree."

Usagi blinked. "Her? I don't know her personally."

"Ah, okay. She just seemed a little standoffish earlier."

Usagi looked up in thought, "I know that her name is Mizuno Ami. She's this freaky kid genius. Not even kidding, she's a walking encyclopedia; she knows everything about everything."

"Imagine being that smart," Makoto said in wonder.

"Yeah, it does sound pretty nice and it'd probably help keep my mom off of my case… but she does get bullied almost everyday. Like, a lot." Makoto raised a brow and Usagi continued. "She doesn't talk to anyone, she just keeps to herself. So a lot of people think that she's cold or that she thinks she's better than everyone else. I've heard them say some pretty nasty things about her."

Makoto suddenly felt bad about calling her standoffish a moment ago. "Did you ever do that?"

"Me? I would never… though I've never done that much to stand up for her so that means I'm just as bad, doesn't it?"

Makoto shook her head. "I wouldn't go that far. Why not actually go and talk to her and see if she's really all that bad?"

"You know what, you're right. It sounds so obvious when you say it, but I guess I just needed to hear it out loud before it actually clicked."

Makoto smiled. She barely knew this girl, but so far she was already one of the nicest people she'd ever met. Maybe Usagi had somehow missed the rumors about her because she didn't seem afraid of her in the slightest. That made her relieved; maybe she didn't have to try so hard to fight her reputation after all, Makoto thought with a grin to herself.

"You know," Usagi started, "you don't seem as scary everyone else says you are!"

Makoto sighed exasperatedly, slapping a palm to her forehead. "Good to know…"

"No really! When I first heard about you, I was scared… but you then saved me and I immediately knew that you couldn't be that bad," Usagi explained.

"You really think so?"

"You haven't proven me wrong yet."

...

The day ended up turning out not as bad as Makoto previously thought it would be. She, of course, wasn't going to be the most popular girl in school, but she had made fast friends with Usagi and even her friend, Naru. Naru, being a natural gossip, had been afraid initially because she was aware of the rumors; however, after a short while, she easily warmed up to Makoto.

At the end of the day, the three of them began walking home. On the way, they saw Ami up ahead of them, walking her usual route to her apartment. Recalling what Makoto had said earlier, Usagi called out to Ami.

Ami stopped in her tracks and cautiously looked back. Catching sight of them, Ami froze like a deer in headlights. The three girls caught up to her. Up close, she looked quite intimidated, scared even, Makoto thought.

Throwing caution to the wind, Usagi waved like the cheerful ray of sunshine she was. "Hi! Do you wanna go to the arcade with us and then maybe go for pizza later?"

Ami glanced up from her shoes for a moment and her gaze moved from Usagi to Makoto. Makoto gave her a small smile and a nod. Ami's face reddened and she looked back down hurriedly.

"C'mon, I'm sure it'll be a lot more fun than homework!" Usagi bargained, casually placing her hand on Ami's shoulder.

Ami immediately flinched her hand off, taking a step back. The three girls stared at her. Finally, she shook her head quickly.

"No thank you," she responded before hastily walking away.

Naru rolled her eyes. "See? Cold."

"I was so sure that would work," Usagi said, deflated. "Do you think we scared her?"

Makoto was honestly just surprised that that girl wasn't completely mute after all.

"That probably was the case," Makoto replied with a shrug. "Either way, I'm still down for the arcade and pizza if you guys are," she added, breaking the tension.

"Of course!" Usagi answered.

...

Makoto shuffled down the steps of the school building as the wind shot through her chestnut colored hair. She walked through the grass, over to her usual spot with a sigh. As she opened her bento box, she jokingly wondered if Usagi would pop over again and find some other excuse to have some of her food.

Speaking of Usagi, Makoto wondered where the blond was. She scanned the campus and eventually found the girl sitting under a tree, talking animatedly in typical Usagi fashion. Makoto squinted her eyes. She was talking to no other than Ami Mizuno, who Makoto could see didn't contribute much to the conversation other than a few nods or shakes of her head.

Then seemingly out of nowhere Usagi pointed in Makoto's direction and waved. Makoto jumped slightly as a blush ran across her cheeks. Awkwardly, she waved back.

Makoto would never doubt Usagi in her wonder-working ability of making friends with literally anyone, ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

The past week had been quite strange for Ami, to say the least. She went from being a social outcast who did their best to just fly under the radar, to having two girls following her around actually trying to have conversations with her. At first it was simply a weird, random occurrence, but it quickly grew to be a daily thing. The two girls, she eventually learned were named Usagi and Makoto, would cheerfully greet Ami, asking about things such as the weather as they crossed paths in the hallway. They would join her at her usual spot for lunch, and accompany her on the walk home from school everyday. They even had her join them at Usagi’s house to do homework and, more importantly, help them with theirs a couple days a week.

With all of this happening, Ami still wasn’t sure if she knew the fundamentals of how to have a conversation.

Ami honestly preferred this type of interaction over getting harassed constantly, but she just wasn’t used to this new attention. She couldn’t help but fear that this was some sort of practical joke at her expense. People never went out of their way just to speak to Ami, it just didn’t happen. She figured that they were only after her to help their declining grades seeing as that was the only thing she had to offer. At least that’s what she convinced herself.

So, Ami ultimately decided to keep up this charade for as long Usagi and Makoto could stand to be around her. Eventually, they’d get what they needed, or they’d get sick of Ami, and she’d go back to being an outcast. Homeostasis maintained.

...

Ami stood at her locker. On a planner she kept taped to the door, she wrote down, in pen, her homework assignments and topics that needed to be studied for the week. She had everything scheduled down to a T to keep up her daily routine. Ami would devote Monday to studying genetics for the test the following day, Tuesday to finishing up the calculous packet and touching up on German literature, Wednesday to--

“Hey Ami, how are the classes?” Makoto asked, suddenly appearing behind her.

Ami tensed, nearly dropping her pen. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she spun around to face her intruder. At the realization that she meant no harm, Ami shrugged with a nervous smile.

“Good, I’m guessing? There must not be many challenges when you’re as smart as you are,” Makoto supposed.

Ami wasn’t certain whether she was supposed to agree with her, so she settled for wiggling her hand in the air in a ‘so-so’ manner. She figured it was better to seem humble than to admit the truth sometimes.

Makoto scratched the back of her head. She was never very good at playing nonverbal guessing games. “Still not much of a talker, huh?”

The two of them looked around the hallway, both avoiding the other's gaze. Makoto bit her lip trying to think of anything to say to keep this going. Maintaining a one-sided conversation was no easy task.

Ami would never say it out loud, but she wished Makoto would walk away just to spare them from the awkwardness. She wished Makoto knew she didn’t have to try this hard to pretend to be her friend.

“So, uh, ever play sports or anything? Y’know, baseball… tennis… beach volleyball?”

Ami gave her an incredulous look.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. Man, that was a dumb question.”

“Yes, it was,” Ami returned plainly.

Makoto’s eyes widened then narrowed. “Oh,  _ now  _ you decide to talk. I’m beginning to think you enjoy watching me stumble over my words,” she chuckled.

Ami giggled softly into her hand. The corners of Makoto’s lips curled upward; her heart almost melted at the sight and sound. She couldn’t deny that it was too adorable for words.

She couldn’t help but giggle as well. “Oh great, and now you’re laughing at me too,” she joked.

Ami immediately went somber, lowering her head. “I apologize.”

Makoto quickly shook her head, “No, no, I was just kidding. I--”

“Hey Mako, how about we have another night like last night?”

A group of male students approached the two girls with smug looks etched on each of their faces. Makoto was not amused. Instinctively, Ami did her best to hide behind the taller girl.

Makoto groaned and rolled her eyes. “As if I would ever--”

“This guy wants to give it a try. I told him it’s like riding a mechanical bull,” the leader of the pack pointed to one of his buddies.

“Hey, how about we watch the mouth?” Makoto snapped, “Next time you even look at me weird, you and I are going to have some problems.”

“Dykes!” one of the boys shouted as the group continued their way down the hallway.

“Dykes?” Ami repeated. She looked up at Makoto and saw her whole body tense up; her fists clenched and her teeth were gritted. Ami thought if this were a cartoon, smoke would be coming out of her ears by now.

Makoto shut her eyes and shook her head. Internally, she began counting to a large number.

“Makoto, what were they talking about?” Ami asked innocently.

“J-just get to class,” Makoto replied, seething.

Ami nodded without a word, not wanting to be on the receiving end of Makoto’s ire.

...

“Well, Ami, now that we’re friends, would you take us up on our offer and go with us to the arcade?” Usagi asked.

Ami didn’t know the requisites for being considered a friend to someone, but she was sure it involved more than following someone around all day.

“I don’t know…” Ami replied. She would’ve just flat out said ‘no’ except she knew by now that Usagi would never take that for an answer. She thought, if Usagi and Makoto were truly only using her, then they certainly were committed to maintaining this act.

“Please? It’ll be so much fun!” Usagi pleaded.

Makoto smiled down at Ami. “C’mon, even just one game would be alright,” she coaxed, gently nudging the short girl.

Ami looked at the ground shyly. In this situation, she was powerless. “Okay. Until I have to leave for cram school, however.”

“Oh, that’s right! You do go that cram school for the rich kids!” Usagi remembered.

“I’m not rich…” Ami murmured.

Usagi didn’t hear. “I doubt you really need it though.”

Ami shrugged. “It’s not like I’m good at anything else besides studying,” she said, mostly to herself.

Usagi and Makoto looked at each other warily.

...

Ami took one step inside of the Crown Arcade and her senses were instantly assaulted. Her eyes were caught by the flashing neon lights of the video game screens, the air was thick with the smell of sweat mixed with the saltiness of deep fried fast food, and she could hear layers of sound consisting of the clicking of buttons, synchronized audio effects, corny music, and the yelling of kids and teenagers above all the noise. She instinctively squinted her eyes and put her hands over her ears.

Makoto looked at her with concern. Before she could say anything to comfort her, Usagi dragged the both of them to the new Sailor V game in the center of the room.

Usagi grinned, cracking her knuckles. “It’s time for you guys to watch an expert at work. I’ve got a strategy.”

Makoto rolled her eyes.

Ami raised an eyebrow at the word ‘strategy’. She didn’t know Usagi that well, but she never saw her as the type to actually think things through. Curiosity peaked, Ami offered Usagi and the game her attention.

As it turned out, Usagi’s  _ strategy _ was just excessive button mashing without any rhyme or reason. Neither Makoto nor Ami were surprised by the fact that she was disintegrated by evil youma before even making it to the first boss.

“That was…” Makoto began, “underwhelming.”

Usagi glared at Makoto but then shifted her eyes to Ami. A proverbial light bulb turned on.

“Hey! You should give it a try!” Usagi claimed.

Ami’s face blanched. “Me?” she questioned. “I-I couldn’t, I’ve never even played--”

“That doesn’t matter, it’s so easy! Just give it a try,” Usagi said dismissively.

Makoto knew exactly what kind of game Usagi was playing and she couldn’t help but be slightly amused by her antics. Feeling mischievous, she kept her mouth shut to see how this would play out.

Ami wasn’t planning on making a fool of herself that day, but it seemed inevitable. With a sigh she sat in front of the machine and looked down at the controls, trying to make sense of them. She pulled her glasses out of her satchel and put them. She started the game.

Youma emerged from each side of the screen. Acting quickly, Ami blocked and dodged their attacks and fended them off with punches, kicks, and Sailor V’s signature Crescent Beam attack, all the while collecting crystals through the stage.

Makoto and Usagi both watched with their jaws on the floor. Not only was Ami performing better than Usagi, she was killing it, quite literally.

Makoto couldn’t explain it, but she felt a small sense of pride as onlookers began showing up, one by one, to watch the spectacle. This was unknown to Ami as she was completely in the zone, eyes glued to the screen. By this point, Ami had beaten the second boss without showing any signs of struggle.

“I guess your plan fell apart,” Makoto said to Usagi.

Usagi stuck out her tongue in rebuttal.

Ending it with a Crescent Beam, Ami beat the final boss while managing not to take any hits at all, winning the entire game. Ami was taken out of her intense state of focus by the cheers she heard erupt from behind her.

“Ami, I’m floored! How did you do all that?” Makoto exclaimed.

Ami replied, “All I had to do was quickly memorize the game’s AI patterns, which didn’t seem to be all that complex anyhow, and then using that as a roadmap, I came up with a game plan as I went.”

Makoto scratched her head. Maybe the patterns weren’t so complex, but that explanation sure was. “You make it sound so easy,” she said.

Ami’s face flushed as she shyly averted her eyes. The brunette squinted her eyes at the curved up corners of Ami’s mouth. This was her second time seeing Ami smile today, and probably only her second time ever. Makoto wanted to treasure this sight forever. She grinned, and placed a hand on Ami’s shoulder. “A smile is a really good look on you, I hope we get to see it more.”

Ami coughed awkwardly into her hand, her face heating up in reaction to the remark. Abruptly she stood up with her bag in tow. “I… I have to go… otherwise I’ll be late for cram school.”

Makoto’s face fell. “See you later then?” she said hopefully.

Ami nodded with another  small smile before walking to the exit.

“Bummer,” Usagi lamented. “I really feel like she was having fun.”

“Yeah…”

...

After cram school had ended for the evening, Ami was in her room, changed into a light blue, cotton shirt and grey sweatpants. She sat at her desk reading through the genetics chapter in biology textbook. She stretched her arms above her head with a long yawn, when her wrist watch beeped. It was 6:45pm and that meant time to heat up some leftovers and set the table for her and her mother.

In the kitchen, Ami peeked into fridge and pulled out a plastic container with that day’s date on it. It looked like they were having curry rice again.

She set two warmed up plates of curry on the dining room table and sat down. She looked down at her watch precisely as it beeped again, 7:00pm flashing, and like clockwork, she heard a key turning in the front door’s lock.

Her mother walked into kitchen, greeting Ami with a smile. “Hi Ami, how are you doing?”

“Fine,” Ami answered.

“Anything exciting happen today?”

Ami paused for a moment. Then she replied, “Nothing that I can think of.”

“Alright then, I’m gonna run and take a shower. I’ll be back in 15 so we can eat.”

...

Ami dug into her meal as her mother talked about work animatedly.

“... and then we picked up all the pieces, sewed him back together, and once again the day is saved!” Saeko said.

“It seemed like such an easy solution,” Ami commented.

“Well, you would think so,” Saeko began, “but sometimes the clear choice isn’t always the easiest.”

Ami nodded, seeming to understand.

A pregnant pause hit the conversation and all that could be heard was the sound of silverware sliding against the plates.

Ami glanced up from her plate and Saeko met her eyes. “How did you make friends in high school?” she asked.

Saeko blinked. “Me specifically?” Ami nodded quickly. “Well, admittedly, there were times when I tried to be something that I wasn’t. That did result in me becoming friends with plenty of people, but they weren’t really my friends. It wasn’t until I started acting more like myself that I found my real friends. I’m still close with most of them to this day. Do you know what I’m saying?”

“What do you mean by ‘being something that you weren’t’?” Ami asked, playing absently with her fork.

Saeko looked up in thought, piecing her words together. “I was one of the top students in my class so I thought that if I dumbed myself down around others they’d like me more. Of course I found out that was a mistake when I realized how shallow people can be. The best friends you could have are the ones that will care about you however you are and not just some version of you,” Saeko added, “Or at least that’s how I see it.”

Ami stared ahead in space with eyes narrowed, processing her mother’s words.

Saeko cocked her head to the side. “Have you made any new friends?”

“I don’t know.”

Her mother offered Ami a comforting smile. “Don’t worry if you haven’t found the right sort of people yet, they’ll come around eventually.”

Ami thought back to the two girls that followed her everywhere. Could they be the ‘right sort of people’ that her mother talked about? She suddenly felt like she had been in the wrong for judging them so early on when she didn’t know them. It seemed so tone deaf when she realized that that’s what people have doing to her since kindergarten.

Even if they genuinely wanted to be friends with Ami, what did she have to offer them? All she had was an encyclopedic knowledge on maths and sciences. How would she entertain them, by reciting a 15 minute monologue about all the different theorems she knew?

Ami set her silverware down on her plate and stood up to place it in the sink.

“I’ll be in my room,” Ami stated before leaving the kitchen.

…

_ A young, brown haired man sat hunched over his desk. He hummed tunelessly to himself whilst his hand worked gracefully yet diligently with paint brush gripped loosely in his hand. The brush tip glided musically across the canvas in long and short strokes. His flow was interrupted at the vibration of approaching, tiny footsteps from behind him. _

_ With a groan, he placed paint brush off to the side and glanced over his shoulder. Standing immediately behind him was a little girl with shoulder-length blue hair holding open a massive book, almost as large she was. Eagerly she pointed to the words filling the page, begging for her father’s attention. _

_ The man just stared, his eyebrows furrowed. “What do you want?” _

_ The girl pointed to the book again, tapping on it urgently. _

_ His eyes narrowed in annoyance. “If you don’t have time to use words then I don’t have time to try and decode what you’re trying to tell me.” _

_ This time the girl desperately shook the book in front of the man’s face as a final attempt to get him to understand. _

_ Instead, the man abruptly slammed his fist on his desktop, nearly spilling his water class. “I’ve had it,” he snapped, “come back when you wanna talk about something interesting. Bore your mother with whatever’s in that book.” Forcefully, he shut the book still in the girls hands. _

Ami’s eyes snapped opened.

Staring up at the ceiling, she blinked, focusing her eyes. The night was at its most quiet where all she could hear was her own breathing. Ami sat up in her bed, her blanket falling to her waist. She grimaced at herself, feeling completely icky. Her forehead was covered in sweat as a result of the tension of her dream.

Ami hugged herself to settle her nerves. She didn’t consider the dream to have been a nightmare. It was based on a memory of her childhood that she knew well. There were no terrifying imagery or ominous sounds. It was simply a recount of a moment in time, exactly as it had happened.

Ami was about six at the time. Her mother was out of the house, running errands, leaving Ami in the hands of her busy father. While he was working on a piece for a client in his office, Ami was lying in the hallway, looking through a large science textbook. She recalled finding a chapter that dealt with the relationship between art and science; how they had more in common than one might realize.

Excited to share her findings, she hurried into her father’s office. Standing on her toes, she held the book up to him, trying to get his attention.

All he did was reject and cast her aside, then putting his focus back on his work. He told her to come back only when she had something that would interest him. She knew immediately that that had been a lie because that was what she had just done. She had hoped that the topic the book spoke about would be enough to salvage what was left of her and her father’s strained relationship, but couldn’t be bothered to even care.

That had been Ami’s final attempt at trying to bond with her father in the way that she did with her mother. They were strangers living in the same house.

Two years after that, the man vanished from their lives.

Her mind back in the present, Ami didn’t notice it at first, but tears had begun to form in her eyes. Quickly she wiped them away with the backs of her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

Makoto and Usagi sat idly at the back of their English class. No one was worried about pretending to look busy since after being assigned a reading, the teacher had decided to take a snooze at her desk.

"... and Shingo totally embarrassed me in front of both Motoki and Mamoru! I swear that is the last time I'm a being a chaperone to him," Usagi complained.

"Oh, Motoki's that guy who works at the Crown, right?" Makoto questioned.

"Yeah, he's the really cute, tall, blond guy. Even with what happened yesterday, I feel like I still have a chance with him."

Makoto chuckled lightly, "Sure you do. What about Mamoru though? I don't think I know him."

Usagi grimaced at the thought of him. "He's just one of Motoki's college friends. He's only kind of cute, but because he's a huge jerk, it cancels that out."

Makoto gave her an amused but equally confused look, "Not even going to ask you to explain the math on that one…"

"How about you though?" Usagi prompted, "Interested in anybody yet?"

"Me?" Makoto just shrugged, "None of the guys at this school really stick out to me. They all seem really immature."

"Agreed! I go for older guys for a reason, you know," Usagi replied. Makoto gave her a look. The blond was unbothered. "How about the girls though?"

Makoto doubletook. "What are you implying?!" she asked incredulously, face warming slightly.

"What? The option's there," Usagi said, laughing.

Holding back a laugh herself, Makoto glared at Usagi. "I think I'll pass!"

"Just a consideration."

"Don't joke about that!"

"Wow, you're defensive," Usagi said, her grin growing wider. "What are you gonna do? Beat me up?"

"I've been thinking about it," Makoto laughed. "As for your question," she placed a hand on her chin as she thought, "you know, Ami's pretty cute when you think about it."

Now it was Usagi's turn to be amused. "You aren't saying you like Ami, are you?"

Makoto shook her head quickly, "No way, don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying she isn't that bad to look at. She's kind of cute, you know, especially when she has the glasses on… Stop looking at me like that."

"Uh huh," Usagi said flatly.

"I think you're kind of cute too, but in, like, a ditsy Usagi kind of way?"

"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment or not."

"Take it how you wanna take it," Makoto responded indifferently. She was too tired to put in the effort for coming up with an actual explanation.

Usagi crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine, be that way. I think that you're pretty cute too, along with everyone else."

"You mean everyone at this school?"

"All of the girls at least."

"That's a very 'you' thing to say."

Usagi furrowed her brows in a pout, "Again, I don't know if I'm being complimented or not."

"I'll explain it to you later, teacher's about to wake up," Makoto said hurriedly, pulling out her notebook and pretending to furiously take notes.

...

"So Mako," Usagi began with a mischievous glint in her eye, "how about a rematch at the Sailor V game?"

The school day came to a close and the trio went on their usual walk home together.

Makoto shook her head. "Uh, no, that's alright," she said distantly. With a smirk, she added, "but you know I would totally kick your butt."

"As if! If you're not in the mood to play video games, wanna come over to my place and watch TV or something, then?"

Makoto shook her head again, this time more adamantly. "No, I'm busy… I've got serious trig homework. I'll probably be up all night."

"Oh hey, we could have a homework party. I'm sure trig is right in Ami's wheelhouse."

Ami made an indifferent sound and shrugged.

Makoto offered them an uncharacteristically shy smile, "No… I really just have to go home."

Usagi squinted her eyes. This wasn't the first time Makoto had to come up with a weak excuse to get out of their engagements in the month that they've known each other. "I guess that's fine." Makoto visibly relaxed. Usagi glanced over to the blue haired girl, catching her slightly off guard. "How about you, Ami? Do you wanna do anything today?"

"No, I'd like to get to cram school early," Ami answered.

Usagi looked at Ami as if she had grown a second head. "Why would you wanna go to cram school early?" Usagi asked, scratching her head.

"... because I always go to cram school early?"

"Ugh, you guys are lame," Usagi groaned, walking up the sidewalk.

Makoto's mouth pressed into a thin line and she followed, Ami at her side.

The three girls stopped in front of a parted, bronzen gate leading to a fairly lavish, but comfortable looking apartment complex.

"Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow," Makoto said, crossing to the other side of the gate.

"Don't work too hard tonight, Mako," Usagi said with a wink.

Makoto gave an awkward smile in return. She was afraid she didn't really have a say in the matter, she thought.

"Goodbye, Makoto," Ami said with a curt nod of her head. Makoto politely returned it.

Makoto turned away from the girls and walked up the driveway.

Uttering a final goodbye, Usagi and Ami continued down the sidewalk to return to their own homes.

Makoto changed directions midstep and left the gate. Silently, she stood and watched as her friends walked long and far, eventually rounding a corner. Soon enough they were out of Makoto's sight. She exhaled a sigh of relief. Briefly checking left and right for oncoming traffic, she hurried across the street, satchel in tow.

...

"Hey, Mako," a man dressed neat and trimly in a white shirt, black bow tie, and red vest, called. Makoto, wearing the same but with a pen stuck behind her ear, looked up from the tabletop she was wiping down. "There's a table for two waiting for you."

"I'm on it," Makoto replied.

It was the middle of dinnertime service at an Italian restaurant. The building was packed to the brim with customers at every table and waiters frantically going around, serving them all.

Makoto went to the back of the restaurant picked up two menus as well as her small notepad. With her eyes, she searched around the dining area for the two customers that had yet to be served. When she caught sight of one of two women that she was supposed to be waiting on seated only a few tables away, she audibly gasped, nearly dropping the menus.

Much to her luck, the two women looked in her direction. Thinking on her toes, Makoto hid her face inside of a menu. She hoped that they'd realize she just liked to be fully immersed in this restaurant's cuisine and turn back away.

An emerald eye peaked out the side of the menu and saw that they indeed had returned to having idle conversation.

"Shit!" Makoto cursed quietly, "How is she here? This isn't even anywhere near school!"

Makoto was in a bit of a dichotomy; either she neglected the two customers and got reprimanded by the manager, or, she took the order, got recognized immediately, and have it be common knowledge at school by tomorrow.

Makoto groaned. The choice was obvious, but still it wasn't a decision she wanted to make.

...

"The atmosphere of this place is pretty nice. I'm glad my colleague recommended me this to me; I bet the food will taste great," Saeko commented idly. "What do you think?"

"I just wonder what's taking the waiter so long," Ami said, looking down at her watch.

"It looks a bit busy tonight, they'll probably get to us eventually. Speaking of, do you think you can order for yourself this time?"

Ami shook her head adamantly.

"It's not so bad. It'll be just like we practiced."

"I'd rather not," Ami said.

Saeko scowled, "Ami… Oh, here comes the waitress!"

Ami looked up from the table and almost doubletook. She certainly hadn't been expecting to see anyone from school here, let alone see Makoto towering over her table.

"Good evening, ladies. My name is Makoto and I'll be your server for tonight. Can I start you two off with anything to drink?"

Ami stared up at Makoto with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Did Makoto just not recognize her outside of a school setting, or was she purposely pretending not to know her?

"Yes, I'll just take a water." Saeko glanced in Ami's direction and raised her brows expectantly.

"And for you?" Makoto asked Ami whilst looking above her head to refrain from making eye contact.

Her mother might not have been able to tell, but Ami knew right away that the smile Makoto wore on her face was a false one. Ami had seen the corners of her mouth blithely turn upward many times, usually at the response of one of Usagi's jokes, and this wasn't it.

She cleared her throat. "Water's fine," her voice wavered slightly.

Saeko smiled proudly.

"Alright, I'll leave you with these," Makoto handed both of them a menu, "and I'll be back with water in a moment." With a nod, Makoto walked back to the kitchen.

"Did you know that girl?" Saeko asked Ami as soon as the brunette was out of ear range.

Ami answered, "No, she just had a familiar face."

Saeko nodded, seeming to buy it. "She's a nice, young waitress. Really tall though, isn't she?"

"I suppose," Ami said quietly.

For the majority of the night, Ami sat idly, using her fork to play with her pasta. As her mother tried making conversation, Ami only responded half-heartedly with one or two word answers. Her attention was elsewhere. It was several times that she and Makoto had accidentally made direct eye contact whilst she served other customers.

Ami couldn't help but feel sort of betrayed and hurt that Makoto barely acknowledged her the entire night, other than taking her order. They spent enough time together that Ami thought it would at least warrant Makoto acting like she was happy to see her in a public place and not treating her like a total stranger. But then, maybe Ami just let her emotions cloud her judgement and she misread the signs. She thought, who in their right mind would want it to be public knowledge that they were associated with her?

Each time Makoto passed by their table, Ami felt the urge to say something to her but she restrained herself, not wanting to make a fool of herself whilst making the brunette uncomfortable. While she wasn't being very subtle with her fidgeting, she forgot to take in account that her mother notices everything.

"Ami? Are you alright?" Saeko asked, looking up from her plate and directly at Ami's eyes. "You keep looking at that girl." She discreetly gestured to the tall waitress.

Ami's face flushed as her eyes dropped to her lap. "I-I'm fine," she answered unconvincingly. A nervous habit, her fingers gripped onto the hemline of her knee-length skirt.

Saeko tensed. It had been a long while since Ami had a meltdown in a public place so she wasn't certain if that's what was occurring. She wondered if letting her order for herself tonight or if something the waitress said earlier had been what triggered it. "Do you want to get these boxed to go? We can leave now if you want some fresh air.."

Ami shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Saeko gave her one more wary look before she turned her attention back to her meal. Ami took one last look at Makoto and saw her leave the dining area to the kitchen, out of her sight. A sigh escaped Ami's lips as her shoulders relaxed.

...

When Makoto returned home to her tiny, one-room apartment, she immediately plopped down face first into her dingy, old sofa. The tired springs inside of it poked at her uncomfortably. She groaned loudly into the worn cushion. Though very humble her home was, she did the best she could to keep it well tidied and organized to give at least some form of homeliness.

She had been so careful for the entire year she worked at the restaurant. She had calculated every single move, but in just one foul swoop, the one thing she had feared would happen, happened. Now she feared whether this would become old news by the time she made it to school tomorrow. What she didn't need was everyone questioning why a 15 year old would need to work 30 hours a week, inevitably leading to questions about her living situation.

Makoto shivered. She wasn't sure if it was because she was thinking about the worst scenario or if it was because she had the heater off to save money.

Forcing herself to get up from her semi-comfortable position, she dragged her discarded backpack over. When she told Usagi and Ami that she had serious trig homework that would probably take all night, that actually hadn't been a lie. With another groan, Makoto pulled the packet out, onto her lap.

...

"Listen," Makoto said impedingly, "what you saw last night needs to stay between us two. Nobody else can know about this." Makoto had each of her hands pressed up against the wall, successfully cornering the blue-haired girl in the hallway.

Ami stared up at Makoto, instantly noticing the dark circles surrounding her dull eyes. "I hadn't been planning on telling anyone. What you do in your personal life is your own business," she replied plainly.

Makoto hadn't been expecting Ami to comply that easily, she honestly wished she would have put up at least a little bit of a fight because Makoto still had more of an argument she prepared beforehand to make. Though, she supposed, that probably went against Ami's non confrontational nature.

"... Right. So, you know why I had to pretend I didn't know you last night?" Makoto asked carefully as to not hurt her feelings.

"Yes. I understand clearly," Ami said firmly.

Makoto blinked. She still wasn't quite used to Ami's lack of inflection when she spoke. "Well… good."

"May I go to class?"

The tall girl peered at Ami perplexedly until realizing she still had Ami trapped by her arms. "Yeah, yeah, of course," she said sheepishly, dropping her hands.

Without sparing another word or even a glance, Ami walked away, leaving behind a confused Makoto.

Makoto scratched the back of her head. She just knew she messed that one up somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really excited about getting chapter 5 up, it was challenging to write but I’m really happy about how it came out. Chapter 5 is complete, but it won’t be posted until I finish writing chapter 6, just like I waited until 5 was done until posting this chapter. So please stay tuned 🙏🏾 :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting this when I finished chapter six, but I was just really eager to get this chapter out so here it is. Hopefully chapter six doesn’t take me too long to complete.

Makoto scratched her head, glaring at the sheet of paper and textbook on her lap. Tonight’s struggle was a chemistry assignment that she was completely clueless about since she unintentionally took a snooze in the middle of class. She’d have to yell at Usagi later for not waking her up. It also didn’t help her frustration that she just returned home from a rather stressful day at work.

Makoto wasn’t typically one to brag, but she considered herself to be quite skilled and well informed when it came to the culinary arts. As a result of this, when she was waiting tables, she had a habit of being perhaps too honest and blunt with customers about items on the menu. If one were to even consider ordering something Makoto didn’t approve of, she would tell them exactly why the item fell short and recommend something else in its stead.

As it turned out, the head chef and her manager were not too pleased to hear about Makoto’s criticisms. She hated that even though she had been working there for over a year and knew the menu inside and out, they belittled her opinions every chance they got. She knew for a fact that she could cook circles around the head chef, but they never even let her have a chance simply because she was too young and inexperienced in their eyes.

As much as she wanted to, Makoto would never stand up for herself. She knew that the moment she ever tried, that would be the moment she was fired on the spot. That was her greatest fear because if she were fired, she would kiss her home, as well as her livelihood, goodbye and end up back on the streets. All that after she had worked so hard to get out of that situation in the first place. She pushed herself so hard and, during that rough period, experienced things that many preteens would never dare. It was already a miracle that she was hired at that place at such a young age to begin with, it’d be near impossible for that same miracle to happen twice at another restaurant.

So, Makoto dealt with her coworkers. As much as they belittled her, made her feel worthless, she didn’t say anything. As much as she despised working at that restaurant, had it not been for that job, she wasn’t certain whether or not she would even be alive today and with a roof over her head.

With a groan, Makoto abruptly shut her textbook, her worksheet bookmarked in the pages. She abandoned the book and went to bed. The assignment may not have been finished, but she was more than done for the night. If her teacher had a problem with that, then that was his business.

As soon as her body made contact with the futon, she fell into a deep sleep.

...

Ami sat at her desk at the front of her German Literature class. She intensely stared at her hands laid out in front of her as she thought. Thoughts rapidly rolling around in her brain, she paid no attention to the man addressing the class.

The main thought that plagued her mind was why she cared so much about what Makoto thought of her. She was made fun of almost daily and though it still hurt, she was used to that and she could get over it. However, the idea of Makoto carrying any negative opinion toward her made her feel much worse. It had been over a week since Ami had seen her at work and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Out of all the people she’s known, other than her mother, Makoto has been the nicest to her, Usagi as well. But regardless of how nice she was, it didn’t change the fact that Ami was still unpleasant company.

Ami was forced out of her own head when a packet of papers and a scantron was plopped down on top of her desk. Oh right, there was a test today, Ami thought. Hopefully this would serve as a proper distraction from unnecessary thoughts. She let out a long exhale and flipped open the packet to the first page. Quickly reading through the texts in front of her, Ami filled in the bubbles on her answer sheet.

‘A, C, D, D, B, A, D…’ Ami’s eyes darted back and forth and she blazed through the test. This was material that she had already memorized after reading them just once in her studies. So all she needed was to read through the questions and the answers came to her instantly.

As quickly as she had started, Ami completed the test, moving it to the corner of her desk. She sat back and glanced at the wall clock; there was still another 40 minutes of class left to spare. Looking around, she could see that her peers were still reading through the packet and filling in the answer sheet, albeit at a much slower pace.

Ami was in all advanced classes so she didn’t share any with Usagi or Makoto. She wondered how the both of them would fair during tests in their own courses. She could imagine Usagi sweating profusely whilst chewing on the end of pencil as if as if it were her only meal for the day and clinging onto her eraser as it were her lifeline. For Makoto, on the other hand, she was always a bit more composed, but Ami could see her still racking her brain a little and maybe even having her eyes wander to the person next to her.

Ami laughed to herself, only stopping when she realized she had caught the attention of her peers and teacher. Self consciously, she laid her head on top of her folded arms.

Ami began to think, maybe it was all because of her attitude. Everyday, Usagi and Makoto went out of their way to talk to her like an actual human being instead of a calculator. Ami knew she desired friends, but the moment she was offered exactly that, she closed herself off, fearing that she was only being used. They stuck around even though Ami gave them nothing in return in terms of friendship.

That was all going to change today, here and now; Ami marked her words. She was tired of being ruled by fear and doubts.

Immediately after class ended, Ami found Usagi and Makoto instead of it being the other way around.

“Oh hey, Ami. How’s it going?” Makoto asked, getting books from her locker.

Taken aback, Ami forgot to take in account that she’d actually have make idle conversation. She wasn’t used to speaking more than when it was only necessary. “Good… How are you two?” Also, the one-word answers had to go.

Makoto and Usagi looked at each other.

“Well, great actually! Neither of us finished our homework for our last class but the teacher forgot to collect it!” Usagi answered.

“Oh, that’s lucky, I guess,” Ami remarked.

Makoto smiled, “Yeah, I guess it was.”

Ami bit her lip, looking to the side. Makoto and Usagi made it look so easy, always knowing exactly what to say. The way Ami broke it down, a conversation was composed of three things: 1) listening to and processing what the other person has to say, 2) maintaining eye contact, and 3) coming up with a response. At most, Ami could only manage two of the three at a time.

“Anyways,” Usagi jumped in. Admittedly, Ami was thankful that she took the reigns. “Guess what I found out about your German Lit. teacher.”

Ami’s eyes widened. “What is it?”

Usagi looked around quickly, then lowered her voice to just above a whisper, “So apparently, he and our English teacher have been seeing each other for a while.”

“What do you mean?” Ami tilted her head. They work in the same building, so it’s safe to assume that they probably see each other almost everyday, she thought.

“It means that they were dating,” Usagi claimed, “but then I heard that your teacher dumped her. That would explain the mood she’s been in lately.”

Makoto looked at the blond skeptically, “Who told you that?”

Usagi shrugged, “A friend of a friend.”

“Right… I don’t think Ami’s all that interested in your gossip,” Makoto said, placing a hand on Ami’s shoulder to her slight surprise. “I think that she’d rather get to class, and I’d have to agree with her.”

Usagi pouted, folding her arms over her chest, “When did you become the Ami-whisperer?”

Makoto smirked, “I just know, you know. Shall we go?”

Turning quickly, Makoto bumped into a girl with long, dyed platinum hair walking in the opposite direction. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she rectified, offering her a hand.

The girl on the floor scoffed. She ignored Makoto’s hand and stood up on her own.

“You know, tall and clumsy isn’t a good combination.”

Makoto slowly retracted her hand. “Sorry, did you wanna say that again?” she threatened.

The girl crossed her arms. “I said what I said. It must be hard to hear from all the way up there,” she spat out.

“That’s it…” Makoto said, clenching her fists at her side. Fearing for the worst, Usagi went for her friend’s upper arm in an attempt to rein her in. Makoto opened her mouth to give the girl a piece of her mind when someone beat her to the finish line.

“Get out of here.”

Makoto, Usagi and the girl all turned their eyes towards Ami.

“What?” the girl said, narrowing her eyes.

Ami stood her ground, staring back intensely. “I said get out of here,” she reiterated, “and go bleach your roots too, while you’re at it.” She didn’t really know what she was saying but the words slipped out anyways.

The hallway went silent and everything, including time, came to a halt. Makoto and the girl’s mouths both hung open in shock. Usagi was the first one to break the tense silence.

She cracked up, clapping her hands together and Makoto followed soon after. Their laughter filled the hallway.

The girl was boiling. “Sure, have your dyke friend fight your battles for you…” she murmured as she stormed off.

Ami watched the girl disappear down the hallway, expressionless. She didn’t realize it would be that easy. The thought of standing up for herself terrified her, but here she was, only a moment ago, standing up for someone else. Ami looked over her hands, scrutinizingly, in search of any sign that she was visually different to match how she felt on the inside.

“Oh my God, Ami!?” Makoto exclaimed, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

“Yes?” The girl in question looked up from her hands.

“Um, hello?” The brunette was at a loss for words. “Where did that come from!?”

Ami shut her eyes, fidgeting under Makoto’s gaze. “I apologize. That was too far out of line.”

Makoto’s eyes widened and she adamantly shook her head. “Are you kidding? That was amazing, what you did for me. If anything, she was the one who was out of line. I really appreciate it.” She put as much feeling into her words as she could muster so that Ami might understand.

“Do you mean that?”

The taller girl nodded earnestly. “Yes, I do. Thank you.” Makoto took Ami’s hand and held it in hers, giving it a squeeze out of gratitude. She smiled down at her warmly. Ami met her eyes without a word.

Usagi raised her eyebrows. “What’s this?” she asked teasingly.

Makoto released Ami’s hand as it if were hot to the touch, then cleared her throat. Speaking of heat, Ami reached her hands up to place them on her own cheeks; they were on fire.

“Alright, alright, we don’t wanna be late, do we?” Makoto said, hurriedly changing the subject.

...

“Usagi, do you wanna see a movie today?” Makoto asked absently.

“Nah.”

Makoto looked at the blonde with a raised brow. In the amount of time that Makoto had known her, Usagi wasn’t the one to decline fun after-school activities. And on a day where Makoto didn’t have any engagements? “Okay… how about pizza later? I’ll buy.”

“Can’t.”

Now she knew something was the matter. Usagi was oddly smug for just turning down free food. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Makoto prompted.

“Busy,” Usagi replied, walking ahead of Makoto and Ami.

The tall girl squinted her eyes. This had to have been payback for all the times Makoto did the exact same thing to her.

“You can come to my house,” Ami blurted.

Makoto stopped midstep. “Huh?” She stared at Ami and her uncharacteristic boldness.

Ami swallowed. Just like earlier, she had to commit to speaking her mind. “I said, you can come to my house.”

Makoto blinked. “Uh, I guess that would be alright,” she replied with a raise of her shoulders.

“That’s settled, then,” Usagi said from up ahead. Ami and Makoto gave each other confused looks.

…

The two girls sat on the wooden floor in front of Ami’s bed, textbooks and spiral notebooks surrounding them. Makoto took full advantage of the fact that she now had her own personal tutor at her disposal. Especially when it came to trigonometry, her most hated subject.

“What are you doing?” “Why are you doing that?” “How do I do that?” “When do I have to do that?” She watched over Ami’s shoulder, asking questions at every step of the process. Ami answered every single one simply, yet in great depth so that it’d be impossible for even Usagi to be confused.

“Wait, don’t you have cram school everyday?” Makoto questioned.

“Yes, that is correct… however, I decided I’d be staying home today,” Ami answered.

“Why’s that?”

Ami shrugged. “I suppose I don’t feel like going today. Also, it would be quite strange to invite you to my home only to leave you alone in it.”

Makoto chuckled at Ami’s attempt at humor. “I can leave if I’m imposing,” she suggested.

Ami shook her head. “That’s alright.” On their own, Ami’s fingers fidgeted with the hemline of her skirt.

“Well… good. Don’t tell Usagi this, because I don’t want her to get the wrong idea, but it’s kinda nice now that it’s just the two of us,” Makoto remarked.

Ami looked at her with slight surprise.

Makoto quickly added, “We’re getting work done faster this way.”

Ami nodded in agreement.  
…

_“Ami!”_

““Yes?” The girl in question replied, looking up from her worksheet.

“Christ, I called your name like five times. Hard of hearing or what?” Makoto asked.

Ami scratched her head. “Sorry, I was ‘in the zone’ as you would call it.”

“I was just gonna ask how much homework you had left, but now I’m gonna guess that you finished it?”

Ami nodded.

“Alright, now that the work is done,” Makoto began expectantly, “what do we do for fun?”

“I don’t know.” Ami tucked her knees under her chin.

“What do you like to do for fun?”

“Usually I study,” she replied.

Makoto stuck out her tongue. “That doesn’t count.”

Ami furrowed her brows, “... but if don’t then I’ll fall behind in my classes.”

“What? You fall behind?” Makoto chuckled skeptically.

Ami didn’t see the humor. “Yes. I have to go over my notes. If I don’t go over my notes I’ll fall behind,” she said more to herself as she placed her hands over her temples. “It’s enough that I didnt go to cram school today.”

Makoto waved her hand dismissively.

“You’ve gotta decent brain, you’re going to be fine.”

“But I—“

“Gimme another activity,” the brunette interjected.

“I read books,” she suggested.

“Nope, try again.”

Ami just scowled in response.

Makoto leaned back against the bed, blowing her bangs out of her eyes.

“There has to be something.”

The blue haired girl subconsciously tightened her hold around her knees.

“Not really,” Ami murmured, feeling a little embarrassed. She wished Makoto would just understand that she didn’t have a life without having to spell it out for her.

“Now I know that’s not true. Even you have to get sick of studying at some point.”

Ami sighed and thought for a moment.

“I’m good at chess, but I don’t know that I consider it to be a fun activity.”

Makoto snapped her finger. “Okay, we’re getting somewhere! You probably don’t think it’s fun just because you don’t have anyone to play it with.”

Ami peered up at the brunette, curiosity piqued. “Do you know how to play?”

“No, but I was hoping you’d be able to teach me,” she answered with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Okay.”

Ami stood up from the floor and went to her closet. She stood on the tips of her toes attempting to reach her pristine chess set on top of the shelf.

Unfortunately, the last time she used it, she put it away too far away from the edge. Her hand came just a couple inches short. Sensing her struggle, Makoto jumped up and hurried over, retrieving the box for her with minimal effort.

Makoto looked over the mid-sized box in her hands. “Hey, this a cute, little chess set,” she commented.

Ami took the box from the brunette, placed it in the spot they were previously sitting and began to set up. “It was a birthday gift from my mother, three years ago.”

“Oh cool, so does she play it with you?”

“No, she’s never had the time,” Ami explained with a slight frown.

“Your dad, though?”

Ami tensed, pausing in setting up the pieces. Thoughts of that man were something that she did not want plaguing her mind today. She tentatively shook her head.

Makoto opened and closed her mouth, not certain how to respond. It just donned on her, even after knowing Ami for this long, she still hardly knew anything about the about the girl.

“So, what side am I?” Makoto asked, trying to lighten the mood. She sat down across from Ami.

“You can be the white pieces.”

“Got it,” Makoto nodded with a smile. “Now, how does this work?”

…

Makoto glared at the board in front of her, equal parts frustrated and confused.

“Wait, I’m lost. What just happened?”

Even after Ami explained the rules of the game and each of the possible moves every piece could make, Makoto was still clueless. It was no surprise to either of them that she would go on to lose five consecutive rounds.

“I left you an opening. Three times,” Ami said plainly.

“I’m no kid genius, so this game isn’t really coming natural to me,” the brunette tried to justify. “As much fun as this was, I think I’m gonna be a sore loser and tap out.”

“You had fun?” A shy smile found its way on Ami’s face without her really noticing.

“Well, it started out fun… but the novelty kinda wore off after losing I don’t know how many times,” Makoto said, playing with the white bishop in her hand.

“We can stop, then.”

Makoto shrugged, dropping the bishop dismissively. “Alright.”

Ami mentally kicked herself for being probably the worst host. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I’m sure you have other things to be doing.”

“Not really. No other friends, remember?” Makoto replied indifferently.

“Wouldn’t your parents want you home?”

“Trust me. There’s no one that needs me home right now.”

Ami looked up at Makoto who suddenly found the carpeting quite interesting.

Ami nervously tugged at the collar of her blouse and pursed her lips. “Why do people call us dykes?” she asked, breaking the silence.

Makoto rolled her eyes. She had no desire to delve into the minds of immature, teenage boys. “Because they’re idiots, I don’t know.”

Ami’s brows knitted together. “What does it even mean?”

Makoto stared, slightly caught off guard. “Wait, you don’t know?”

Ami shook her head. She was clueless. “I assume it’s something bad.”

Makoto strongly fought the urge to laugh at her friend’s confusion. She had been so certain Ami automatically knew everything about everything, but it seemed she must have missed a particular subject. She gestured with her hands, trying to carefully piece together her words into a coherent thought.

“Okay, wow. Um, sometimes?” she answered, still unsure. “It really depends on who says it and how they say it…”

Ami cocked her head to the side.

The brunette cleared throat. “I don’t know how else to explain it other than being extremely blunt, so here it is: it is another name for a lesbian… a girl who prefers other girls in a romantic way. That’s what they’re implying we are.”

Ami’s face immediately went beat red and she shrunk back. Makoto cringed inwardly.

“Yeah, it’s stupid, but I dealt with it at my old schools so I’m used to it,” Makoto said, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck.

“Is it true? Are you...”

“No, that’s not me,” Makoto answered quickly, cutting the blue haired girl off before she could even finish her question. “...I don’t think so at least. They also like to say things about how I’m an easy lay and that I start fights all the time just for the fun of it, but none of it’s true. I’ve had maybe one boyfriend,” Makoto explained, “and that was short lived,” she added with malice, “and I’ve only ever fought to defend myself. Honest.”

Ami nodded.

“I’ve got my own issues, but why do you have a target on your back?” Makoto asked, scooting closer to the smaller girl.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why do you get bullied all the time?”

“I’m a bit strange, Makoto,” Ami answered as if it were obvious.

“So’s Usagi, but I still keep her around,” Makoto returned, trying to make a joke of it.

Ami wasn’t entertained. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“My brain is different. It doesn’t work the same way anyone else’s does. One of the positives is that I have an excellent memory. I can still recall things I’ve read after ten years time. What’s more is that I’ve always been gifted when it came to mathematics. So, academically speaking, I was all set.”

“Now the bad part?”

“When you’re someone like me, making friends and socializing doesn’t come that easy. In terms of socializing, I’ve always been behind. For people like you, it just comes naturally. I can teach myself any equation and apply it, but I’ve never been able to understand how you make friends. How you effortlessly engage with people, know exactly what to say and when to say it. As for me, I’m awkward, I shut down, I can’t look people in the eye, I never know what anyone’s talking about, and I say the wrong things whenever it is I do speak. I feel pathetic and sad.”

“I’m not as composed as you think I am,” Makoto started, “and you’re not pathetic,” she reassured with a warm smile.

“Then why does everyone hate me?” What she couldn’t ask was why she hated herself as well.

Makoto’s lips flattened into a straight line. That girl really had been through it, hadn’t she, Makoto thought.

She began delicately, “... I don’t hate you. Usagi doesn’t either. And another thing, it’s people who are insecure about themselves that find any little thing about someone that makes them different and pick on them for it. They’re the ones who are pathetic.” She waved a hand flippantly as punctuation.

“Is that why you switch schools?”

“Not really. I can deal with that stuff. It’s because I have… a complicated lifestyle… and it makes school kinda difficult,” Makoto began slowly. “People always say that the reason why I keep switching schools is because I get kicked out for starting fights. The actual reason is that my grades suck and my attendance was even worse. Now, my grades still suck, but I’m trying my hardest to actually show up.”

“But what do your parents have to say about any of this? Don’t they care?”  
Makoto crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yeah… they cared,” she said pointedly.  
Ami paid no mind to the tone of voice Makoto replied with. “And they’re okay with you having a job on top of everything?”

“They don’t have much of a say in it,” Makoto return, her frustration escalating.

“I don’t understand, shouldn’t they be helping you out? Why would they let you struggle alone, that’s not what parents are supposed to do--”

“Ami, don’t you dare!” Makoto yelled, placing her hands up to rein in the blue haired girl but also to keep her own anger in check.

The tall girl hesitated for a moment then placed her hands on Ami’s shoulders earning a blush from the girl. “I can trust you to keep another secret, right?” Makoto asked, barely above a whisper.

Ami nodded solemnly, her anxiety rising by the second. She felt ill at ease under Makoto’s forced eye contact.

Makoto bit her lip then shut her eyes. This was really happening, wasn’t it? She paused. Then she opened her mouth again, “Ami, my parents are dead.”

Ami blinked, staring blankly. She wasn’t certain if she had heard correctly, or if the brunette was speaking in sarcasm or metaphor. She really hoped for Makoto’s sake that it had been either of those things.

Makoto sighed, retracting her hands; she didn’t want to have to put it more frankly than that.

“They were killed, in a plane crash. I was just a kid.”

Makoto’s parents initially had been reluctant to take this vacation without their beloved daughter, but both were swayed when they were reminded that this would be their 12th anniversary week and that they deserved some time to themselves. So, after their tearful goodbyes to Makoto, they boarded a flight to Hawaii in the States. Makoto, barely ten and hadn’t even hit her mile high growth spurt yet, stayed the week at her house with a friend of the family.  
On the morning of the day her parent’s flight back, Makoto was watching cartoons, sitting on the floor way too close to the television set for it to be helping her eyesight. Her mother always scolded her for doing exactly that, but she was away for the week, so Makoto assumed it would be alright so long as she didn’t know. Her parents were due back in a few hours anyway, so she’d enjoy it while it lasted.

The phone rang from its spot, mounted on the wall across the room, startling the girl. The young woman watching Makoto ran to answer it. As she listened to the phone, the blithe smile on her face gradually fell until it was replaced by a look that Makoto wouldn’t be able to comprehend until quite some time later. With a shrug, the young girl returned her attention to the TV.

That was how it all began, a brand new era for Makoto’s life.

Now, if she had to tell the truth, Makoto wished that the phone had never even rang that day.

Ami’s eyes widened tortuously slow and her face went pure white as realization hit her.

“Yeah, that happened. I’ve been on my own ever since,” Makoto added, not meeting Ami’s eyes. Makoto remained stoic, though there was still sadness in her eyes. She supposed after all the years she had spent crying over it, she finally didn’t have any tears left to shed.

“I think it’s the reason why I’m so angry all the time. Every time I come home from school or from work, back to my dingy old apartment, it’s just a reminder that this isn’t the life I wanted at all. It’s definitely not the life my parents would have expected of me,” she continued.

Ami couldn’t speak. Even if she could, how could she possibly respond? All she was able to do was shift around awkwardly on the floor as if that would make her, and their discussion, less uncomfortable.

Makoto let out a humorless laugh. “Really makes you think about all the times you disobeyed your parents or took them for granted, doesn’t it?” She could tell that her resort to humor probably came off as really distasteful and was making Ami visibly distressed, but it couldn’t be helped. That was one of the ways she coped with her hardships.

“I don’t need you to feel sorry me, I just need you to understand where I’m coming from.” Makoto stared Ami down hoping that she would say something, anything, but she knew it was pointless. She sighed. “Now I’m guessing you want me to leave?”

“No,” Ami blurted. She recoiled again as soon as the word escaped her lips.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“... Then are you going to tell me about your dad?”

Ami looked up at Makoto, shocked. The tall girl shrugged. “I saw you hesitate when I brought him up earlier. I know because I do the exact same thing when someone brings up my parents.”

“He’s not around anymore.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Can I ask about your mom?”

“She works many hours a week at the hospital so I don’t see her often… but I know she cares.”

“So you spend a lot of time alone?” Ami nodded. Makoto gave her an empathetic look. “Me too.”

“... Can I study my calculus textbook now?”

Makoto rubbed her hand over her face.

“God, you have a one-track mind…” she muttered, “Go for it.”

…

Makoto was surprised to admit that she didn’t find studying with Ami to be a chore. She found the time together to be, not only productive, but even relaxing. She was also glad that Ami never seemed to mind and was always willing to help Makoto understand something at times when she was struggling. Makoto would never go as far as saying that trig was actually enjoyable, but now she could say she found it slightly less unpleasant, thanks to Ami’s guidance of course.

The brunette truly had never seen Ami glow like this before; it was as if a completely new person had walked into the room. This new Ami could barely contain her excitement as she spoke of quantitative values. Seeing Ami shine like this warmed Makoto’s heart and she knew she wanted to keep seeing it. So she kept asking questions, some of the time serious, most of the time not even understanding the words coming out of her own mouth, just to keep Ami engaged. Makoto still didn’t fully grasp how Ami’s mind was powerful enough to be able to recite all of that information on the spot, though she knew it had something to do with how her brain was “different” like she had told her earlier.

And because Ami had her watch discarded underneath her pillow, she was completely unaware of her alarm going off at both 6:45 and 7:00.

Saeko, still dressed in scrubs, walked down the hall to Ami’s room after not seeing her daughter waiting for her at the dining table like usual. She gently knocked at the door before slowly pushing open. “Anybody home?”

Her smile was replaced by a look of surprise when she spotted Ami sitting on the floor with another girl.

“Ami, who’s this?” Saeko asked confusedly.

“This is my-- this is Makoto, from school,” Ami answered, not meeting her mother’s eyes.

Saeko looked down at the stranger sitting next to her daughter with an arched brow. It wasn’t that Ami wasn’t allowed to invite somebody into their home, she was merely taken aback because this has never happened before.

Then Saeko noticed that she must have recognized that face and that hair from somewhere.

“Makoto, was it?”

“Yeah. We were just doing homework,” Makoto replied, rubbing the back of her neck.

Now she was certain of it. Saeko snapped her finger, “Wait, you’re that waitress from that Italian place, right?”

Makoto cringed inwardly; she had almost forgotten about their previous interaction from a few nights ago. “Uh, I think it’s time I went home. It’s getting kind of late,” she said, haphazardly placing her things in her satchel.

Ami sat with her knees tucked under her chin as she watched Makoto getting ready to leave her. She had been enjoying the company and now she was sad that their time together tonight had come to an end.

Makoto stood up and walked toward the door frame, stopping in front of Ami’s mother. The brunette was a head taller than the older woman. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Mizuno,” she said with a polite bow. She glanced back at Ami, still on the floor. “See ya.” She slid past Saeko and walked down the hallway.

Saeko peered out the door way, watching as the girl disappeared. She put her attention back on her daughter who still just stared down at the floor. Saeko further entered the room, and kneeled down beside Ami.

“Sorry, I had to crash the party,” she said sympathetically.

“It’s okay.”

“So, a friend from school, right?”

“She is from school, yes,” Ami replied.

Saeko smiled at her daughter. Okay, maybe friends is too strong of a term for right now, she thought. “She seems nice.”

Ami nodded.

“I’m gonna take a shower, and then we’ll have dinner. I’m thinking sandwiches tonight. How’s that sound?” Saeko asked, gently tussling Ami’s hair.

“Okay,” a small smile returned to Ami’s face and she looked her mother in the eye for the first time that day.


	6. Chapter 6

“Sure you don’t want me to go up there with you?” Makoto asked.

Ami nodded.

“Alright, you go ahead. We’ll be waiting right out here,” Usagi said.

Ami nodded again before turning towards the exterior of her apartment building. Entering the building, and using the elevator, the blue haired girl stood outside her own apartment door, her hand hesitant to open it.

In only a moment, she’d be doing something she had never done before and something that she thought she’d never even get the chance to do. If Ami was honest with herself, the thought of that scared her a little. How would her mother react? Would she take it well?

Not wanting to stall any longer, Ami took a deep inhale and finally pushed open her door, entering the room. Immediately on the living room sofa was her mother with a book sitting in her lap. Today was her day off.

Ami nervously clutched her satchel to her chest, avoiding her mother’s eyes.

“Hi, Ami. Did school go alright today?” Saeko asked.

“It was fine,” Ami murmured. She stood frozen in place.

Saeko tilted her head to the side. At this point, Ami would’ve left for her room already. “... Is there something you need?”

Ami swallowed. “I need to ask you something…”

“Yes?”

“I wanted to ask if I could go to a sleepover,” Ami blurted clumsily.

Saeko blinked. “That’s _all_ you wanted to ask?”

“Yes.”

“I see.” Saeko said curiously. “Is this happening at that girl’s house?”

Ami assumed she was referring to Makoto. “No, it’s at someone else’s house, but she will be there as well.”

Saeko was pleasantly surprised that there were at least two people Ami’s own age that she was potentially forming a relationship with, whether it be close friends or just acquaintances. She loathed to admit it, but she never imagined that at any time soon, Ami would have asked her what she asked today.

She was excited by the news but at the same time very apprehensive. This would be the first time Ami would be spending the night under someone else’s roof. She didn't want to think about all the trouble young girls could get into when left to their own devices. She was glad Ami had this opportunity, but she also wanted to hang on for as long as she could.

“Well, I can’t think of a reason for why I should say no…” Saeko began hesitantly. “I’ll allow it, but I will absolutely need their phone number.”

Ami nodded quickly. She wasn’t expecting it to be have been that easy.

“Okay… go ahead and get ready. If anything goes wrong at all, call me immediately.”

“I promise,” Ami said with a bow of her head.

...

Changed into casual clothing, Ami found herself standing stiffly in the corridor of Usagi’s home as if she were a stranger in an unfamiliar place. If she had to admit, that description was not too far from the truth.

Usagi and Makoto both emerged from the former’s bedroom, having changed out of their uniforms as well.

“Ami, do you want anything to eat in the kitchen?” the blonde asked.

“No, thank you,” Ami replied.

Makoto piped up, “C’mon, I’ll make sandwiches.”

Ami’s eyes widened. “... I suppose that would be alright.” She could never resist a good sandwich, especially one made by Makoto.

Usagi and Ami both watched in awe as Makoto moved about the kitchen as if it came as natural to her as did breathing.

“How did you get so good at cooking?” Usagi asked.

Makoto shrugged. “I learned. My mom taught me a few things and everything else I learned on my own,” she replied flippantly, slicing the sandwich for Usagi in half.

“She can teach me someday too, right? I can’t even make ice right!”

Ami winced at Usagi's carelessness. She guessed Makoto must not have told the blonde about her situation. Ami looked up at her anxiously. The brunette, however, remained unbothered. She placed the finished sandwich on a plate and slid it across the counter to the blonde. “Well, we’ll just have to see.”

After that response, Usagi seemed to buy it and took her sandwich with her to the living room, leaving Ami and Makoto on their own.

Ami stood next to Makoto with a new awkwardness between them. Should she acknowledge the elephant in the room and bring up the topic of Makoto's parents, or would that be considered insensitive? All she wanted to know was if Makoto was alright, why was this so difficult?

“So Ami,” Makoto began, interrupting Ami’s thoughts, “what do you like on your sandwich?”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter. Whatever you think is best,” she said indifferently.

“You’re allowed to have opinions, you know.” Makoto nudged Ami’s side with an elbow. Ami’s face reddened slightly at the contact. “Just teasing,” Makoto reassured with a wink.

With a small smile and a shake of her head, Ami changed her answer. “Turkey will do.” She told herself before she came that she wouldn't let herself suck the fun out of this sleepover. So her usual indifference toward everything had to go.

“That’s a start,” Makoto said, her smile growing. “Cheese or no cheese?”

Ami would have replied but she was promptly cut off by Usagi shouting from the other room.

“Guys, hurry up! The Sailor V Show’s on!” she exclaimed.

Makoto rolled her eyes. “Aren’t we too old to be watching anime?” she shouted back.

“Shush, this is a great episode! Over here, Ami!”

“Go ahead, I’ll bring your sandwich out when I finish making it.”

…

Well, the animation was nothing extraordinary and a bit stiff, Ami thought, but at least the show itself was entertaining. And it certainly did add some context to the Sailor V video game Usagi and Makoto loved playing.

As they sat and watched, the front door opened and in walked Usagi’s little brother Shingo. He took one look at the TV and smirked.

“Usagi, you’re way too old to be watching some kids’ anime!” Shingo teased.

“It’s funny, I was thinking the same thing,” Makoto murmured, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Usagi demanded.

Shingo stuck his tongue out at his older sister defiantly and Usagi quickly paid it right back. 

Hearing the commotion around her, Ami looked away from the TV. Breaking his stalemate with Usagi, Shingo locked eyes with Ami and in a moment he froze. He just stood staring at her, his mouth slightly agape. Ami tilted her head in confusion.

Shingo tried to stammer out a response but the words only came out as a jumbled mess. Embarrassed, he hurried to his bedroom, shielding his face to hide the blush creeping up.

“Ami, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Shingo has a little bit of a crush on you,” Makoto said with an amused smile.

“What?” Ami asked, genuinely confused. That had to have been a practical joke.

“Shingo’s such a dweeb,” Usagi remarked, shaking her head, “sorry about that, Ami.”

“I doubt he actually does,” Ami said dismissively.

“You saw the way he looked at you, right? By the way, have you looked in a mirror lately? I think he has a pretty good reason to crush on you,” Makoto said, playfully leaning toward Ami.

For the second time that day, Ami blushed.

“Mako, it sure sounds like someone’s jealous,” Usagi chided.

Makoto looked around the room in case there were other people with them that she might not have noticed. “Jealous of who? I’m not crushing on Shingo.”

Usagi raised her brows and smirked, “That’s not who I was talking about.”

The brunette furrowed her brows. "You’re crazy…”

Ami really wished she ever knew what those two were talking about.

...

Makoto’s eyes shot open as she awoke in a cold sweat, jolted by her latest nightmare. With a hand clutching at the fabric of her shirt over her chest, she deeply breathed in and out in an attempt to calm her rapidly beating heart. She glanced over her shoulder; Usagi was still sleeping and snoring loudly, completely undisturbed.

Her eyes drifted over to Ami. Or rather where Ami was supposed to be. All she saw was the small futon mattress with a blanket cast aside. She also noticed that the bedroom door had been left open just a crack.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Makoto got up from her futon and, quietly and carefully, left Usagi’s bedroom.

All the lights in the house were still off so Makoto didn’t know where the blue haired girl would be. She first tried the bathroom to no avail before rounding the corner of the hallway into the living room where she could see Ami standing by the window, lit only by the blue moonlight. She stared intensely at what Makoto was not certain.

Feeling slightly mischievous, Makoto crept up slowly. She stood just before the girl and draped a hand on her shoulder. To Makoto’s amusement, Ami’s entire body flinched at the surprise touch. She eventually relaxed at the realization that it was only Makoto.

After apologizing, she asked, “Ami, what are you doing up?”

Ami shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep?” The brunette tried.

Same response. Sleeping in a different environment didn't come easy to her, she supposed.

Makoto scowled. “Yeah, me neither.” Ami remained silent, continuing to stare out the window but with her ear tilted ever so slightly towards the brunette. “I just woke up from a pretty bad dream. They happen pretty often so I should be used to them, but I guess it doesn’t work out that way,” she explained with a laugh.

Ami nodded slowly.

“Do you ever have dreams?”

“Sometimes.”

“What about?”

Oh, the usual, dreams about her dad avoiding her, about her parents’ marriage falling apart, about being harassed by her classmates, about never amounting to anything in the future, about ultimately ending up alone. Fun stuff like that.

Makoto asked one more time, “What do you dream about?”

Ami scratched her head. “Nothing really,” she replied. It was probably for the best that she kept her depressing dreams to herself.

Makoto wasn’t _that_ dumb, she knew that that wasn’t the full story. Ami being aloof, as per usual. Still, she let it slide for now. “Well, uneventful dreams are better than bad dreams.” And wasn’t that the truth.

_The dream started out pleasantly enough; it first began as a memory of a young Makoto, her mother, her father, and the batch of cupcakes they made one summer’s day. Truly it was one of her favorite memories. Her mother was an amazing baker, her father was pretty much clueless in the kitchen, and  Makoto was just as clueless but very eager to learn, which, combined, was almost a recipe for disaster._

_On the contrary, that’s what Makoto loved about that memory. Had the entire process gone completely smoothly, there wouldn’t be the little moments where her father knocked over an entire container sugar, where he and her mother could not agree on what flavor frosting to top the cupcakes with, or where Makoto distracted her parents with funny stories from school resulting in them accidentally burning the cupcakes._

_Then the dream took a turn. Makoto had her back turned for a moment, but when she turned back around her parents were nowhere to be seen. She called out for them, but there was no response. Then a burning smell reached her nose. It couldn’t have been the oven because it was already off._

_Cupcakes completely abandoned, the burning smell took her outside of her house. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, she asked after person that passed her by if they had any idea where her parents could be but nobody any attention to the young girl. Makoto sprinted down the path now in search of someone that would actually listen to her._

_But then she heard it; a loud crash happening behind her mixed in with screams of terror. Suddenly the world was engulfed in flames with charred corpses strewn about all around her. It was sweltering hot and there was smoke everywhere._

_“Makoto!”_

_She knew that voice instantly. It was her mother desperately crying out for help. Again, she broke out into a sprint. She ran and ran but all the while she wasn’t going anywhere and the screams only grew louder._

Makoto was forced back to reality.

“Yeah, it’d be really nice to have some uneventful dreams for once…”

Ami looked Makoto up and down, from her knit together eyebrows, to her fists clenched at her sides, and up again to the downturn of her lips.

Cautiously, she placed her hand over one of Makoto’s. The brunette’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden contact.

She withdrew her hand. “We should probably be getting to bed,” Makoto finally said, to which Ami nodded in agreement. “If you ever wanted me to leave you alone, you’d tell me, right?” she asked carefully.

For the first time tonight, Ami really looked at Makoto. Makoto’s face looked flawlessly and effortlessly sculpted, especially in the moonlight. From the contour of her cheekbones, to the slope of her jawline, she was breathtaking.

Ami noticed the look of genuine worry in her sparkling eyes and heard it in the tremor of her voice as well. Makoto bit her lower lip, waiting on Ami’s response.

Ami thought deeply about her answer. Normally she preferred being in solitude because most people made her nervous. Makoto was no different. However, Makoto made her feel a completely different and new kind of nervous, one that she didn’t seem to mind. This type of nervousness made her face flush, her heart beat faster, and the butterflies in her stomach flutter.

Ami smiled, “I would.” And she left it at that.

…

“Ami, could I talk to you for just a moment?” The guidance counselor caught up with Ami in the hallway.

Following a really nice weekend at Usagi’s house, Ami was having a really nice day today. No one had picked on her yet and she was ahead in all of her classes. So she supposed it was only natural for something to come up and compromise that.

Ami reluctantly agreed.

She felt déjà vu sitting in the counselor’s office again.

“I can see you’ve been spending time with Miss Tsukino and Miss Kino, if I’m not mistaken?”

Ami nodded eagerly with a smile.

“Yes, well… I do have to express my concerns…” she began. The smile on Ami’s face immediately vanished. She’s already had this conversation before, what was the issue now?

The guidance counselor continued, “When I said I wanted you to engage more with your peers, they aren’t exactly who I had in mind.”

For the first time, Ami spoke. “I’m not sure what you mean, miss.” She glared at the guidance counselor, as if challenging her.

“To be blunt, Miss Tsukino isn’t exactly a model student, and I’m sure you’re aware of Miss Kino’s reputation from her previous schools. I worry that there is a chance that they could be a bad influence on your character, or that you could be taken advantage of by them. Unfortunately these are situations I’ve seen too many times with other students at this school,” she explained.

“You’re wrong.”

“Pardon me?”

“ _You are wrong_ ,” Ami repeated, stressing each word. She had no idea why she was being so defiant but she couldn’t stop herself. “You don’t know anything about them. You don’t know anything about me.” It was like there was a fire growing beneath her.

“Miss Mizuno, I--”

Ami stood abruptly. “Thank you,” she said before walking out the door, leaving the guidance counselor bewildered.

Ami did feel bad about storming off in the middle of their conversation, but the counselor had no right to talk about her friends that way. She was completely wrong and her assessment of their character was only surface level. After spending only a few minutes around the two girls, one would quickly find out that they were two of the kindest and most loyal individuals.

Speaking of Makoto and Usagi, Ami’s face lit up when she saw them at the former’s locker chatting. Though whatever they were talking about seemed to make Makoto more frustrated than she had ever seen her. Either way, it would all be fine because in just a few moments they’d all be sharing lunch together as they always did.

“For the last time, I do not like Ami at all, I never have. I don’t like her. Can we please move on already? I’ve had it.”

Ami stopped dead in her tracks.

“If that’s how you really feel… I’ll drop it,” she heard Usagi respond.

Ami stood shell-shocked for moments before slowly, she began backing away with tears clouding her vision.

How could she have been so stupid? She knew from the beginning that she was being lied to and yet she foolishly chose to go along with it. Who would actually want to be friends with her?

 


	7. Chapter 7

Every time Makoto was having what seemed like the most horrible day, she’d think to herself “well, it couldn’t get worse than this,” as a bit of solace, and yet she’d managed to surprise herself by somehow having even worse days every single time going forward. Admittedly, she was sort of impressed.

Following a fun sleepover at Usagi’s house, she had to return to her own reality by going to a long shift of work. They worked her overtime, so she got back to her apartment late, meaning she’d barely be getting any sleep that night. On top of that, this morning her alarm clock chose the perfect time to stop working so she managed to sleep through the entirety of her first class before she finally woke up.

Makoto was halfway to school before she realized she had forgotten to make a lunch for herself. She cursed inwardly but continued her sprint nonetheless. On the way her skirt had gotten caught on a shrub when she decided to run through the grass in the interest of saving time. She tugged her skirt free, accidentally tearing it at the hem. She cursed again.

When she finally arrived at school, she was caught immediately by a teacher and slipped a detention slip for being in the hall after the bell. Inwardly, she cursed again, but nevertheless continued to her current class.

“Mako, you look terrible,” Usagi whispered to her friend.

“Thanks,” Makoto said bitterly.

“Either way, are you ready?”

Makoto let out a humorless laugh as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Ready for what?”

“For your presentation, I mean. You signed up for today right?”

For the fourth time today Makoto cursed.

She had been so certain that her presentation wasn’t until the next week. There was no way she’d be able to give an entire speech in English now when she had nothing prepared; she’d only make a fool of herself.

“Usagi, please kill me. Right now. And make it look like an accident.”

“Sorry Mako, but I really don’t want that on my conscience.”

…

“Today just needs to end already!” Makoto cried. “How much do you people think I can take?” She couldn’t thank the random girl in her class enough for volunteering to switch her presentation day with Makoto and the teacher for letting it slide.

“Don’t you fret, because it’s the most important time of the day: lunch!”

“And guess who forgot theirs.”

Usagi scowled. “Wow, now that’s rotten luck.”

Makoto groaned, “Tell me about it…”

Then Usagi’s face lit up. “Look on the bright side,” she began, gaining Makoto’s attention, “you’ll get to sit next to Ami again,” Usagi teased.

Makoto raised a brow incredulously. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Jeez, I don’t see the point in hiding it anymore. It’s clear that you like her.”

“What are you saying?”

“Mako, I woke up in the middle of the night at our sleepover and all of a sudden I was the only one in that room. I know for a fact that you two were together somewhere in my house probably acting really friendly with each other.”

Makoto’s cheeks reddened. “You’ve got it all wrong!”

“Do I?”

“For the last time, I do not like Ami at all, I never have. I don’t like her. Can we please move on already? I’ve had it.”

“If that’s how you really feel… I’ll drop it.”

Makoto’s face softened. “Look, I’m sorry I kind of snapped at you just now. Today’s just been really… frustrating.”

“Don’t even worry about,” Usagi said with a wave of her hand. “Oh, and hey, I could share a bit of my lunch with you.”

“You’d do that?”

“Yeah! You did it for me the first time we met. This is only fair. Can’t say it’ll taste as good though.”

Makoto laughed, pushing her hair back with a hand. “I’m so glad I’ve got you and Ami. I don’t know what ditch I’d be lying in without you two.”

…

Ami imagined she must’ve been looking really pitiful right then. It certainly wasn’t ideal, but she spent that entire lunch period in a tiny stall in the girls’ restroom. It wasn’t the most sanitary of places she could eat in, but fortunately for her, she didn’t have much of an appetite at that moment anyway.

Ami was feeling many emotions as she sulked in that restroom with tears blurring her vision; but the biggest emotions she felt were embarrassment and regret. She knew all along this exact situation was going to happen, she knew it when she first met Makoto and Usagi, she knew it when Makoto pretended not to know her at her job; and at the beginning she welcomed that happening. Before she met those two, she was perfectly fine with fading into the background, going through her day with the least amount of interactions possible. Now, however, the thought of being all alone again was unfulfilling.

Maybe if she had spoken more, maybe if she had been nicer, more fun, more easygoing…

No. She wasn’t going to blame herself anymore. She’s been doing it for 15 years now and she hated it. Makoto and Usagi wasted her time and, in turn, wasted their own time. Ami wasn’t going to let this get to her because this is precisely what they would want. She wasn’t going to give them that satisfaction.

As Heaven was her witness, she would never allow herself to be fooled by anyone again.

With that, she dried her tears and emerged from the stall. As much as she would have liked to continue sulking, she did have a class that she didn’t want to be late to.

…

“Ami, wait up!” Usagi called.

Ami heard her name being called, but she paid it no mind. She didn’t even care to look back; all she did was walk faster.

“Hey, slow down!” Makoto said, catching up to Ami.

Ami did her best to just ignore the brunette; she was in no mood to deal with this today. Why couldn’t she just take the hint?

“We just wanted to know why you weren’t at lunch today.” Makoto still wasn’t getting a response or even a sign that Ami even heard what she said. Well, this wasn’t too out of the ordinary; Ami could get pretty tunnel-visioned at times. Makoto placed a hand on the blue haired girl’s shoulder in an attempt to get her attention. “Hey--” Ami immediately shrugged it off. “Ami, what’s gotten into you?”

“Would you leave me alone!?” Ami yelled.

Makoto immediately recoiled in response to the outburst. Usagi, who had finally caught up, also winced. Makoto shook her head to regain her composure. “We just missed you is all,” she tried to explain.

Ami laughed bitterly. “Missed me? What a joke. Like you would miss me...”

Makoto arched a brow, peering down at the shorter girl. “What’s the matter with you? This isn’t the Ami I know.”

She snapped. “Stop pretending like you even know me because you don’t! All you care about is yourselves!”

“Ami, that’s a lie!” Makoto shouted back. She immediately regretted losing her temper, but Ami was clearly looking for a fight and it was in Makoto’s nature to snap back whenever she was being challenged. It was a bad habit that got her in trouble more often than not.

“Oh, I’m sure…” Ami said sarcastically.

“You’re being so weird, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Ami rolled her eyes.

“Would you just talk to me already, dammit!?” Makoto demanded.

“Just leave me alone, I don’t want to see you two…” Ami turned around and started to walk away.

Makoto clenched her fists at her sides. She was a kettle dangerously close to boiling over.

Usagi looked back and forth between her friends. She had no idea what was happening or who she was supposed to sympathize with.

“You know what? I see it clearly now,” Makoto began, her voice soaked with malice. “It makes absolute sense why no one likes you when you treat them like this. Maybe if you didn’t act like such a  _ robot  _ people would actually want to be around you.”

Makoto stared Ami down as if challenging her.

Ami froze. There was the word. The word that, when directed at her specifically, she hated with her entire being. She was called that by her father, she was called that by her classmates, and she was being called that now. Without a word, she began pacing back towards Makoto and Usagi.

All of a sudden, before she even knew what happened, Ami’s hand stung and it involuntarily shook as she glared up at the brunette as if she were the Devil himself. Makoto gingerly placed a hand on her equally stinging cheek as she looked down at Ami, too shocked to speak.

Finally, after processing what had just happened, she glared back, and with equal amounts of force, repaid the favor.

Ami, admittedly, was weaker than Makoto so she was knocked back a couple steps, but at least was still on her feet. Her cheek became purple and blue to match Makoto’s. There was definitely a new bruise beginning to form; it hurt too much to touch it. She raised her hand to retaliate again, but she was stopped by Usagi coming in between the two of them.

“You guys, stop! Don’t do this, you’re friends!” Usagi yelled.

“Stay out of this! Maybe if you paid attention in class then you wouldn’t need to copy my homework everyday and you would just leave me alone!”

Ami said the words and immediately regretted them when she saw the pain in Usagi’s eyes. She slowly backed away before breaking into a sprint in the direction of her apartment.

“What the hell is her problem?” Makoto asked the air. She turned to Usagi who had her eyes glued to her feet. Makoto’s hand twitched at her side. She was tempted to reach out and try to comfort her friend, but she refrained because she was afraid that all of this was partially her fault.

Makoto let out a deep sigh. “I’ve gotta go, Usagi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

…

Ami returned home to an empty apartment, unsurprisingly to her. She was alone as she had grown accustomed to, just the way she preferred it. Such is the life of an only child of a single career woman.

Ami trudged to her bedroom and immediately after carelessly discarding her backpack, and removing her shoes, she flung herself down onto her bed, face down.

The encounter just moments ago with Makoto played over and over in her mind. That encounter couldn’t have possibly gone down any worse. Actually, it probably would’ve had Usagi not stepped in when she did. She could still feel the stinging on her left cheek.

Her groan was muffled into her pillow. She rolled onto her side and crossed her arms over her chest.

She was already ahead in all of her classes so she didn’t need to feel too guilty about not doing homework or studying. She also had cram school today, but there was no way she’d be able focus on cracking open a textbook and listening to a lecture.

Hours later, Ami’s thoughts were interrupted by her watch beeping. Hastily and in her frustration, she tore it off her wrist and threw it across the room. It impacted the wall with a loud thud and landed unceremoniously on the carpeted floor.

Minutes later, Ami heard her door open and eventually felt the bed dip down behind her. “What are you doing in bed?” her mother asked.

Ami shrugged her shoulders, still facing away from her mother.

“Was school alright?” Saeko asked again.

Ami tucked her knees further into her chest. “It was fine.”

“So, I got a call while I was at work…” Saeko began surreptitiously. Ami looked up at her with a raised brow. She watched as the expression on her mother’s face went from cheery to foreboding in only seconds. “When were you going to tell me that you were missing days of cram school?”

Ami’s face blanched.

“Getting to go to cram school isn’t cheap and you were extremely lucky to get that scholarship to attend for free. There are plenty of kids who would love to have this opportunity, so I don’t want to see you putting it to waste.”

Ami sat up. “What’s the point!?”

Saeko was taken aback. “The point? Ami, isn’t this all what you wanted? Studying hard, graduating high school a year early, going to medical school, and becoming a doctor before you hit 25?”

“None of that even matters anymore.”

“Ami, what changed?”

“I just don’t see the point in pretending that any of those things are going to make me happy.” She recalled one time when Usagi asked her why she always goes to cram school and maybe she knew the answer at some point, but at that moment she just explained that it’s just what she’s always done.

For the first time, Saeko was stunned and unsure of how to respond. Up until now she thought she understood her daughter perfectly and knew exactly what she wanted out of life. Maybe she’d been too caught up in her career that she failed to realize that Ami was changing before her very eyes.

Saeko began nodding slowly. “Alright then. What is it that you actually want?”

Ami shrugged. How could she tell her mother when she didn’t even know the answer herself?

Saeko scratched the back of her head and let out a deep sigh. “Well… it’s perfectly normal not to know what you want to do right now. In fact, most people your age don’t. But know this: you are an extremely intelligent girl, Ami. You’re capable of accomplishing anything you dream of as long you work hard and believe in yourself. If you can manage that, then nothing stands in your way.”

Ami nodded slowly, processing her mother’s words.

Affectionately, Saeko cupped Ami’s face with a warm smile. The smile quickly went away once she noticed the slight discoloration of Ami’s left cheek.

“Hey, where’d this bruise on your cheek come from?” she asked, gingerly touching it afflicted area.

“I-I fell on the pavement on the way home,” Ami explained hurriedly.

“Make sure you’re being careful. I’ve never known you to be the clumsy type,” Saeko chided with a smile. “I’m gonna go warm up some dinner and I’ll bring it up to you.”

When Saeko left the room, Ami smiled to herself. She had been a fool before to seek validation for herself in the approval of Makoto and Usagi. Now she realized it was time she discovered her own purpose in life. She was going to accomplish big things and she certainly wasn’t going to let any interpersonal relationships get in the way of that. That would only prove to be a distraction in the end and she simply didn’t have the time.

 


End file.
